Breaking tradition

It’s Thanksgiving in America tonight. It’s a time for counting ones blessings, thinking positive thoughts, and being thankful. In recent years, I’ve forgotten that. I’ve focussed instead, some would say become obsessed, on Jane’s last Thanksgiving and what happened that day.

…I am thankful for every crumb.

But a friend pointed out to me this week I spend too much time in the past. Another pointed out I spend too much time alone. And a third expressed concern for my sanity. So, tonight, I break with recent tradition and try to look at what I have rather than what I’ve lost.

Thankful for what we did have

Jane and I didn’t have enough time together. But I am thankful for the nearly quarter century we did have. Yes, we only had 21 years, three months and eight days of marriage. But we lived in each other’s souls for the nearly four years between the day we met and the day we married–and every day thereafter. We got to the “‘Til death do us part” moment most never get to see.

It’s Thanksgiving in America tonight.

And I am thankful for our friends who held both our hands through those last days–and have not let mine drop since. Gail, John, Morgan, Arlyn, Scott and Wendy and their kids, sheltered my soul from the blizzards and ice storms of despair. And as those storms have eased, they’ve helped me rebuild a semblance of a life.

The larger community

I’m thankful for the doctors and staff at Dana-Farber who’ve let me become a part of their family. I’m especially thankful for Jen, not only for walking away from her own Thanksgiving four years ago to spend an hour with us in the hospital, but also for the friendship she has gifted me with since.

…we lived in each other’s souls…

I give thanks for the larger NET cancer community that has taken me into its heart. You’ve listened to my pain and honored it. You’ve listened to my thoughts and plans, and not laughed me out of the building.

Progress on many fronts

I know the progress we have made has not been enough. But I also know where things stood six years ago as we struggled to find the answer to Jane’s carcinoid attacks. I stand thankful for what we know now that we did not know then. And I am deeply moved by every sacrifice made by every patient, caregiver, doctor, nurse, and researcher to purchase that knowledge.

You’ve listened to my pain…

I am equally thankful for the support groups–both physical and online–born in the days since Jane’s death. I would have killed for such a thing in 2010. The ones that existed, I could not find in those days–and even had I done so, there was no time that didn’t have Jane’s name on it.

Needs and wants

Personally, I owe a great debt to our many students who have reached out over these six years and made sure I had places to go and things to do. The simple gift of an hour’s conversation over coffee has proven more valuable than you will ever know. Your calls and invitations have so often come at the darkest moments in this struggle. I am deeply thankful for those things.

…I am deeply moved by every sacrifice…

I have a roof over my head, food to eat, clothing on my back, good work to do, and–most importantly–friends who care for me and look out for me. No man has need of greater gifts than these–for all that he might want more. Much has been taken–but much remains, and I am thankful for every crumb.