One job ends
Dear friends,
I finished my term as chairman of the Greater Fall River Relay for Life last night. People are not happy I am leaving but understand there is just too much on my plate. I have not stopped fighting Jane’s cancer since the day she was diagnosed. Since her death just eight days short of 31 months ago I have carried on both that fight and the fight against everyone else’s as well–at least it seems that way sometimes. As I said to people last night, I need to focus my energies more tightly on NET cancer and healing my own wounds.
I know it will not bring her back. I know it will not return joy to my life.
It feels awful. The members of the committee are great fun to work with and their goal is a good one. But the American Cancer Society is spending no more money on NET cancer than when I started. The size of the pie is not growing at the national level so there is no new money they can dedicate for NET cancer research–or research into any other cancer. Don’t misunderstand me–they do good and important work and I will still do what I can for them. I nearly lost my sister and sister-in-law to breast cancer, a brother to melanoma, and more friends and acquaintances to various cancers than I can count. And I’ve lost neighbors, friends, former students and one of my favorite uncles to cancer. But research into all those cancers is well-funded. NET cancer research is not.
Financial bottom lines
During my tenure as Relay chairman we have raised over half a million dollars for ACS. Our Walking with Jane Relay team has raised nearly $16,000 of that total.
…we have generated almost $170,000, about $33,000 since the first of January alone.
But during that time Walking with Jane has also been growing. Since May of 2011 we have generated almost $170,000, about $33,000 since the first of January alone. The lion’s share of that money has gone to NET cancer research with the rest going into general cancer research
sponsored by ACS and the Dana-Farber Cancer Institute. We are among the fastest growing non-profits in New England–and perhaps in the US. I can no longer chair both the Relay and Walking with Jane and do either one justice.
Emotional bottom lines
I am not happy about the decision. Too much of the Walking with Jane work is stuff I have to do alone: drafting letters and articles, doing research, and designing posters and tickets are solitary pursuits. I will miss the meetings and the people who attend them. They make working on Relay an enjoyable experience. They make me laugh–and that is a thing I do not get to do very often since Jane died. I very much enjoy the social aspect of what we do together.
I have not stopped fighting Jane’s cancer since the day she was diagnosed.
But I am worn out. I want to be able to cry when I need to cry without worrying that I am letting someone down every time I am non-functional for a day or two. I need time to truly grieve Jane’s death and come to terms with this aching emptiness that ambushes me every time I walk through the door at night. And I need to find the peace I know will only come from finally being able to say, “NET cancer is dead. We killed it. And your diagnosis, my love, was the key moment in its demise.”
I know it will not bring her back. I know it will not return joy to my life. But it will make the lives of others better and happier. That will have to do.
Peace,
Harry
