What has changed about NET cancer?

I’ve written nothing about NET cancer for a week. I’ve posted no new NET cancer links in that time either. I cannot say I have not thought about the subject, but this has been a week of trying to push everything away. My mind has had enough of cancer of all types–but especially enough of NET cancer.

I’m feeling overwhelmed lately.

I will admit to feeling some guilt about this. In the world of NET cancer little has changed. Most people still have never heard of it–including far too many doctors. We are no closer to a cure. The funding problem is no better than it was. For more than 26 months I have labored in this vineyard, seemingly to little effect–in my mind.

NET cancer: words, words, words

That is not to say that others do not think otherwise. I heard again this morning from someone about how proud Jane would be of the progress we have made and the difference we are making on so many fronts. I wish I could see the world through the eyes of the people who see all that.

I want NET cancer dead

I can’t.

I know too much. I know too much about NET cancer. I know too much about NET cancer research funding–or rather, the lack of it. I know too much about NET cancer research and how slowly it moves compared to research on so many other forms of cancer. I know too much about the hurdles even the most promising pieces of research face on the road to becoming  standard practice–and I know too well how many years stand between us and a real cure given even ideal circumstances.

NET cancer’s circumstances

And the circumstances we face are less than ideal. The Oncolytic Virus funds at Uppsala and iCancer have combined to raise a mere $150,000 in the nearly two months since their founding. It sounds like a lot of money, but is less than 10 percent of what a simple Phase I trial will cost–and less than five percent of the cost of a really good Phase I trial will need. Some would say that is the most promising lead we have, but even with the money in place there will still be ethical and governmental hurdles to clear before that trial can even start.

I know too much.

In the US, the fiscal cliff that looms in January will cut federal cancer spending by 10 percent. I know better than to think that cut will be divvied up evenly. The major cancers will not be cut. NET cancer and its “unimportant” brothers and sisters will bear the brunt of the shortfall. And that will be true even if some “Grand Bargain” is reached.

I trust neither party to do the right thing where NET cancer is concerned. I do not trust the “free market” to come up with the money for NET cancer either. There is too little profit in it.

In memory yet green

I won’t give up the fight. I’ve always found myself fighting for what others saw as lost causes. And I made my wife a promise about this disease. But sometimes it all gets to be too much. That is especially true in the fall of the year when everything conspires to remind me of Jane’s last days. Even now, if I close my eyes, I can see her lying on the couch, I can see her steeling herself for the next self-injection, I can see the tears in her eyes every time she realized there was something else she could no longer do.

My mind has had enough of cancer…

I’m feeling overwhelmed lately. My sword-arm is tired but my enemy looks as fresh as when we started. I’m frustrated and angry and tired of waiting.

I want NET cancer dead–and I want it dead now.